Take that Tacoma!

Have you seen this? BFF's mommy sent me this in an email. I've since copied the transcript off of someone else's blog (and she did too) so that you could read it. All I can say is - THANK YOU Carolyn Hax for putting it into words. Usually when someone asks me what I've done today, I say "nothing" which is so very far from the truth, but I feel I can't really explain the importance nor time consuming nature of what I did do.

Tell Me About It by Carolyn Hax
Tucson, Arizona Published: 06.05.2007

● Carolyn:
My best friend has a child. Her: Exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .
OK. I've done Internet searches; I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please, no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners. . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them every day. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day, and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail?
I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events), and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy — not a bad thing at all — but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth?
Is this a contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids, and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
— Tacoma, Wash.

● Tacoma:

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand — while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom friends are either lying or competing with you — is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries and questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family members and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting the constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity, empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy — and then when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, you wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend — a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends or marvel at how much more productively she uses her time.
Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.

~reprinted without permission

Book of the Day

I hate spiders. Andy hates spiders. Fischer is beginning to hate spiders. It is horrible, I know, to transfer such hatred to our children.... oops. ALSO, it is horrible for "gardeners" such as Andy and I to hate one of our best garden allies. It is irrational. With all this hatred swirling around us, why oh why would I get Fischer this book? It was my way of trying to redeem myself and raise a spider lover... or maybe it is just cute and you know how I love books!

Aaaarrgghh! Spider! by Lydia Monks is a fun little tale told from the perspective of a lonely spider. The spider wants so desperately to be a family pet. It does all sorts of fancy tricks to try to catch the attention and admiration of one family... but each time the poor spider ends up scaring the family. You'll have to see if the spider's dream ever comes true... let me just warn you, the last page has seriously given me nightmares!

Anyway, Fisch is liking this book and Andy and I are finding it therapeutic! ;)

Cheers and Jeers

The goings on of late...

• JEERS: The handy man ended up charging us almost FOUR TIMES his original quote without ever updating us along the way to this fact. AND because his original quote was so low, I didn't make a claim to the insurance... and now it is doubtful we'll get anything back. Grrr.
• CHEERS: Fischer's BFF had a fabulous sledding party that we all loved. Andy took Fisch and BFF down the hill a number of times, each time they flew further and further away! Fischer actually preferred "sledding" on his snow pant butt to using an actual sled, though.
• JEERS: We decided that I had jumped the gun on having Fisch sleep in underwear instead of pull-ups. He is not quite ready for that.
• CHEERS: Fischer has told me today that I am "amazing" a "good mommy" and has called me "Mommy Sweetie Pie". Awwww. Everybody needs a guy like him around!
• JEERS: I have felt nauseous every day this week.
• CHEERS: I haven't gained any weight.
• JEERS: My body has expanded and I look WAY more pregnant that I actually am!
• CHEERS: I have been nicer to the dogs...
• JEERS: Kaia still stinks so bad I could vomit!
• JEERS: I thought there was an intruder in my house today... I panicked a bit and got Fisch and I out.
• CHEERS: It seems to have been my imagination!
• JEERS: I am obviously crazy!
• CHEERS: I'm OK with that!
• CHEERS or maybe JEERS: I've been going to bed between 7:15 and 8:15 almost every night lately!
• CHEERS: I think I'm really back to blogging now. I hope I didn't lose you.

Women Friends

This one had me thinking of you.

Ummm.... What to say?

It is 8:20 in the morning, I'm sitting in my nice warm bed listening to Fischer play and sing in the other room. I am desperately trying to think of some fantastic and interesting thing to blog about. You may have noticed that I've lost my blogging momentum. Andy was home for two weeks over the holidays and we enjoyed being lazy and hanging out as a family. I am off routine and am trying to get back together. Somehow, though, after all of that rest and relaxation, I am feeling uninspired to write.

Hmmm...

I could tell you about a few new philanthropic organizations that have recently caught my interest, but it feels like after a long stint of no blogging, I should write about something more personal.

I could tell you about how Kaia is emitting the most horrific smell on a fairly regularly basis and it makes me want to throw up. I've lost all patience with her and am constantly trying to get her to stop following me around... so now she seems depressed and I feel guilty... But talking about dog gas isn't very classy and why would anyone want to read about it?

I could tell you about how the other night when I was giving Fischer a bath, he said "You have good energy, Mom!" But then you'd probably start wondering about what we talk about at our house... Seriously I don't know where he got that.

If I wrote about that then I would start to get on a roll talking about of all of the Fischisms of late. Such as, before Christmas when we were talking about Christmas being Jesus' birthday, and Fischer wanted to bake Him a birthday cake. I said that'd be a good idea, but then he wanted to TAKE it to Him. I tried to explain that Jesus is in our hearts and if we celebrate His birthday and eat His cake, that will make Him happy. Then, after a really long pause.... he gets this worried look and asks me, "How did Jesus get in my tummy?"

But if I told you all of that then I'd have to tell you about the bumbling answer I gave about God creating us and putting a piece of himself into us and while I was talking I realized that to Fischer this might sound like God put His toe inside of him and an His elbow in me and and his eyeball inside Daddy... which sounded scary and then I just kept talking and talking until I felt that I'd been totally clear and insightful... and he had no comment.

OR I could tell you after this long saga of home repairs the work men should be done today. Hopefully the bill will come close to the original quote.

I could tell you that we are in the final stages of potty training, and Fischer has given up the night time pull-up for underwear at night. Which means we made it through with only having to buy one case. It also means that he wakes up twice a night to go potty...and so do we.

I could make a little announcement about being pregnant. That is kind of an exciting thing to talk about but maybe not as exciting of a thing to read about. Plus maybe you already knew. AND I have had the realization that I may not be able to sleep through the night without interruptions for FOUR more years!

So as you can see, I'm at a loss for words today. So I think I won't write about anything, and I'll just get ready for the day and go pick up BFF for a playdate.

Have a great day!