Self Help

Body, appearance, weight, health, exercise, food... It is all always on the brain. You too? There is an inner struggle that I have with my own body image. Of course I look in the mirror and think I'm fat and ugly, but then believe it or not, there are times I look in the mirror and think that I'm kind of pretty!
There is a part of me that wants to be happy with who I am and what I look like, but there is this other part that can't be happy with what I look like because I am not the person I want to be. I'm sure the person I want to be will always be changing, so shouldn't I be happy with the person who is doing her best to get there? Well, I don't think that I'm doing my best. I know I could do better. Sometimes I think I should try to cut myself some slack... but then I also think... am I lowering my expectations for myself because I'm lazy? Maybe.
I want to be the kind of person who does what she sets out to do. I'm not even talking about accomplishing big dreams or goals at this point, I'm talking about my To Do list and my desired routines. For some reason all of that starts to feel a bit overwhelming... it really shouldn't.
I have decided to make small changes each month, and a few long term and attainable goals. This week I have started one of my changes. I have a small list of things that I'd like to do everyday and I have it posted on a door (Andy has posted his list there too). We check them off each night. So far (it has been 4 days), today will be the first day that I have accomplished all of them. I have exercised, I have kept track of my WW points (although I did go over my allotment - but my goal is just to keep track at this point), I have cleaned one thing that isn't a daily chore, I have moved one load of laundry through and I have done my daily chores before bed. Now If I get myself to bed by 10, I will have had a "perfect" day.

1. Exercising - It isn't so much that I am trying to turn into a super model (although, I wouldn't mind if I did), but I'd like to have exercise be part of my lifestyle, not something I have to do. Exercise makes me feel good and obviously helps me to be healthy.
2. Weight Watcher Points - Yes I am trying to lose weight. I am not at a comfortable nor healthy weight and my body interferes with my desired lifestyle. I hate when Sheila or Kristy want to go hiking and I have to come up with some lame excuse because I don't want to have a heart attack on the mountain! The worst part is, I love hiking and I love being in the mountains and I want Fischer to LOVE it too. So... I've got to do something about this.
3. Cleaning is a source of stress for me. I absolutely hate it! I've tried to fake loving it in hopes that I'll truly love it one day - didn't work. I've tried to see God in a cleaning task and make it spiritual and be thankful that I can make a clean home for my family - worked for a minute. The problem is, that if I let the cleaning chores go for too long, they become way too big and too hard and I need a week to get it under control - and when do I have a week to do that? Plus, with chores hanging over my head, I can't really enjoy the times that I'm relaxing. So, I've resolved to clean one thing a day and pretty soon those cleaning tasks will be more manageable and easily maintained.
4. Laundry is another mountain I like to procrastinate. Therefor, I have resolved to move at least one load through every day, until this too is at a more manageable and maintainable level.
5. Finally, my everyday chores. Just the silly stuff like making the bed, cleaning up after dinner, picking up the toys etc. It is stuff that if I don't do one day, the next morning isn't quite as pleasant. AND while I almost always accomplish this, I still put it on the list so that I could praise myself for it!

So those are my 5 changes for this month, and I think they are quite doable. My one goal is to run 150 miles before my birthday. That is less than 12 a week. I can totally do that! I've put a ticker below (at the bottom of my blog), so that you can watch me check off my miles and melt away my pounds. I figure that if I make it public, that will be just one more incentive to stick to it.

My ultimate goal is to be happy with myself and I know that there are plenty more factors to the equation, but this is where I am starting.

BTW, I recently found a fun and inspiring site called Adios Barbie.com: a body image site for every body. I really liked reading "7 Ways to Love Your Body Through Thick and Thin".