GoD and DoG by WJ Francisco

Thanks for the link, Ray.

He's Alive!!

The Girl Who Spoke With Pictures

Today I'd like to spotlight a very talented artist who has Autism. We talked about Kim Miller's art a lot last year as she and her mother, Eileen, worked to get their book, The Girl Who Spoke With Pictures, into bookstores and ultimately into your hands. (The bookstore story) I've had the chance to read this book and view numerous examples of Kim's art, and I am inspired.

Eileen has written the personal story of her daughter and her autism. She describes the way that Kim began to communicate by drawing. It began very young, age 3 or 4, and has not stopped. Kim is now an adult attending the community college and her art is very powerful. Although she is able to communicate verbally now, her art still speaks volumes. She can relay an incredible amount of thought, emotion, and issue in each of her pieces.

The book itself is a great reference about autism and the experiences that can be related to it. What I really liked was the insight I felt that I gained into Kim's mind. Although everyone is different, it opened my eyes to other ways of interpreting behaviors and situations that I have experienced with my students. I was also inspired by Eileen and her persistent support and advocacy for her daughter. Together this mother-daughter team are changing the face of autism... in their community and hopefully in the world.

The Girl Who Spoke with Pictures: Autism through Art by Eileen Miller and Kim Miller can be found on Amazon.com as well as many other online stores.

You can also take a look around their website.

Check out Kim on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyJtYU4tA3g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIk1KxEOF7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9QCm7DdvyI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHf9yUSEFFs

Self Esteem... Pass it On

(Reward at the bottom of the post)

Self esteem. What does that phrase mean to you? For me, I think of all that encompasses me and how I feel about me. There are definitely things about myself that I am proud of or content with, my appearance is not one of them... specifically my weight. I have major issues with my body that do affect my life and my activities.

I've started wondering how these issues and feelings about myself are going to affect my daughter (when she arrives). What will she learn from looking at me and listening to me? Will she learn to nit pick her every imperfection? Will she learn to say mean things to herself? Will she learn that her appearance makes a difference in what she can do and accomplish? Will she learn that her appearance is of the utmost importance over all of her other qualities? Man, I sure hope not. Of course I won't come right out and teach her these things, but will she derive these "lessons" from my actions?

Now is the time for me to raise my own self-esteem and get myself in check. I want to empower my daughter to be and do anything she wants to. I want her to see beauty in all things and all people including herself. I want healthy habits to be a part of life, not just something you do to "fix" a problem.

What if I do a good job with all of that teaching and empowering, and then she goes to school and gets another message from her peers... or from the media... or a relative... or the list goes on. How will I talk to her? Will she believe me when I say she is beautiful? Or will she think that I am just her mom and I have to say those things?

We all know that low self-esteem affects so much more than what you say to yourself in the mirror. It affects schoolwork, it affects the types of friends you choose or put up with, it affects the risks you take (good and bad), it affects your self worth which in turns gives yourself permission to do certain things... things a mother doesn't want to imagine.

What can I do to help my daughter cope with adolescence and the pressures she'll experience everyday?

The Dove campaign for Real Beauty has recently launched a new initiative called "Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem, commissioned by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund ".

"Too many girls and young women develop low self-esteem from hang-ups about
looks and consequently fail to reach their full potential in later life. The
Dove Self-Esteem Fund (DSEF) was established as an agent of change to inspire
and educate girls and young women about a wider definition of beauty. The
DSEF is committed to help girls build positive self-esteem and a healthy body
image, with a goal of reaching 5 million girls globally by 2010. It has
already reached 2 million young women."

They are targeting girls ages 8-17 and their mothers to help build/repair/maintain self esteem. The exciting thing is that they provide FREE materials for mothers and daughters to begin talking and working on self -esteem. They have a mother's guide and a mother/daughter activity guide to help you facilitate conversations and about beauty, body, pressures, self-esteem, and self confidence. The guides have questions and activities to help us build an open-relationship with our daughters and to remind us how our own self-esteem and hang-ups affect our girls.

"A mom is one of the most important influences in the life of a daughter. Whether you are a step mom, an auntie, a grandmother, a big sister or just a loving friend, the role of a ‘mother’ is important and necessary in a girl’s development.
Your love and care sets the foundations for your daughter’s life. Who you are will profoundly affect who she is and who she will be. How you feel about yourself, your looks, your body, your beauty, acts like a script from which your daughter will make choices about how she should feel about herself. In order to give your daughter the strength and courage she needs to feel beautiful in a world that may challenge her values, you need to take inventory of your own feelings of beauty."
-Dr. Susie Orbach and Dr. Nancy Etcoff (Dove's Academic Advisors)

(My mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and great-great-grandmother )

I read through the materials and found them to be informative, thought-provoking and interesting. They also provide an entire FREE workshop kit with DVD/CD to teach you how to run a self-esteem workshop in your area. Dove is also on the road providing workshops in many different states, you can check their map and schedule to see if there will be one in your area soon.

Self-esteem is an important issue, and I am very thankful to Dove for their initiative and for providing FREE tools to all of us. Click on any of the green links above to read more about the campaign, the National Report, and the booklets and activity guides (under self-esteem tools). You can also find short videos and other resources for you, your daughter, or your workshop.

We can support Dove and their Real Beauty and Real Girls Real Pressures programs by buying Dove products and by helping them to spread the word. In an effort to do my part. I'm offering up a small challenge and reward. Please post about self-esteem on your blog and reference Dove's FREE Self-Esteem tools, then come back here and leave a link to your post in the comments of this post. If you do not have a blog, then just leave a comment here about your thoughts on the subject of beauty and self-esteem. I will award 2 winners (chosen at random) and will send you a gift from Dove. Leave your comment or post link by midnight March 29th. Thank you in advance for your support.

Saving the World through Music

"Stand by Me" performed by musicians around the world.

The Playing For Change Foundation is saving the world by connecting the world through music. The Foundation provides resources and builds music schools around the world to help artists share their gifts with their community. You can support them by spreading the word about them, purchasing their CDs, DVDs, merchandise, downloading their songs on Itunes or attending one of their concerts. Poke around on their website to find out a little more about them.

Happy Birthday to Andy!!!!!.... three weeks ago

Thank you Mario Lemieux for standing in, yet again, for Andy's picture!

Super Bowl Sunday was Andy's birthday, which is great because it is built-in entertainment for his party! The only thing better would be if his birthday and the Stanley Cup Finals lined up for him each year!

Of course I'd like to take a minute to gush about my one and only love... best husband EVER! Seriously, thank you Andy for being the man that you are, for taking care of and providing for our family and for being the best friend and life-long companion I could dream of. I love you. AND, he's totally hot too!

Anyway, he is not a big fan of being talked about (or pictured) on the blog... so I thought I'd let his own words give you a peek into him. Andy coaches basketball... freshman girls basketball... it is not always easy, seeing as how every year he is basically teaching the girls how to play the game... BUT he makes it so much more. It seems that his goals are: teach them how to play the game, help them to have fun while playing, give them life-long friendships with one another and new found confidence in themselves (this is me talking... this is just what it looks like to me). So after a FUN season of losing... but having fun... he'll be giving them a little gift next week. He had personalized bracelets made for each of them (by his very talented sister) and he typed up a little letter to go with them. I thought you might like to read some of it:

It is said that when asked about sculpting David, Michelangelo stated he was merely liberating the form within by removing the excess rock. By cutting away,he was adding definition to the shape that already existed. If we think about life in a similar way, we find events, opportunities, and hardships can act as a chisel to “chip away” our excess rock to help us learn who we really are. Basketball was one of these opportunities (and sometimes a hardship depending on the day), and I was fortunate enough to watch this process with you. So what did I learn?

I learned you are strong, courageous, and spirited. I saw you rise up to take on formidable challenges, smile after tough defeats, and reach out to embrace your
teammates. Of course I already knew you were smart, funny, and beautiful, but I also saw these qualities grow, each and every day. I learned what an extraordinary person you truly are.

On your bracelet, you will see several pieces of your birthstone. Think of these stones as some of the chips that have been removed throughout the season. Each one represents a step you took toward strengthening one of your qualities. For those who are willing, life is full of opportunities to add definition to your form within.

You will also find a bead with the first letter of your name. I would have put your whole name, but seriously, some of you have long names and it would have ended up a necklace! This bead is to remind you to be proud of who you are. You are an incredible person, and although you might not always feel as such, that is who you are. When you doubt this, just surround yourself with people who already know the truth (or come back to ___ for a visit and some candy) and you should be back to normal in no time!

I have had an incredible time with you this season and thank you for all the time you committed to the team. I am also thankful for you allowing me to get to know you and teach you a little basketball. Nine months ‘till next season!

Women Friends

This one had me thinking of you.

Just clicking around: Christmas ideas

As I've been clicking around the Internet I've come across some fun new holiday traditions and Christmas ideas.

• The first ideas was from my good friend Emily (on the phone, not on the net). She told me that she'd heard a new idea that she was going to try and use with her children this year. Everyone gets 4 gifts: Something you want, something you need (like clothes), something to share (like a video or game), and something to read. I thought it was brilliant! It would really make kids think when they are making out their Christmas list. it would also help moms and dads to not go unnecessarily overboard (that's what Grandma is for).
• The Green Phone Booth had some great alternatives to the traditional toys and candy that come in the advent calendar. There were even better ideas in the comments. One mom wrapped up books that her kids already had and they unwrapped one each night to read together... how easy is that? You might also be interested in this thought provoking video.
• Next Liz had a bunch of great ideas that she gleaned from her mother-in-law and Oprah. I really liked the idea of a T-shirt quilt and I loved the idea of giving your family "dates" to be together rather than gifts. Check her out.
• Recycle now has a very fun video tutorial for using fabric to wrap gifts (no tape or bows). So cute and the fabric can then be reused however the recipient likes or you can print out a little tag with a link to how they can turn their fabric wrapping into a cool bag (no sewing)!
• Finally have you checked out the Mother Letter Project? One family is sending Christmas to a village in Africa instead of giving to one another.... but as a special surprise, the husband has secretly and anonymously created this little project. He is asking women to submit a letter (via email or comments) about motherhood for his wife. He is going to make them into a book for her for Christmas. If you submit one, he'll give you all of the letters too! The posted letters are fabulous. people have written letters about their mothering experiences, about or to their own mothers, I saw one written to the unknown birth-mother of one woman's adopted child, some are written to children who have yet to be conceived. Very thoughtful and each letter is quite touching. He has already received over 300 letters! I haven't submitted mine yet, but I will. If you aren't into this... it might inspire you to collect letters for someone in your life... maybe not to this same scale. last year for Andy's birthday, I collected letters from many of our relatives and compiled them in to a leather journal for him. I thought it would be a great keepsake and a reminder to him about all of the people who love him and whom he has had a positive affect on.

Patience Lost

Tuesday, as I was trying to sort and fold laundry on my kitchen table, Fischer wanted to "help". He was climbing on and off the chair with an armful of small toys that kept making him slip. The toys were getting in the way of my folded piles as Fischer was quickly pulling item after item out of the basket. So, I tossed the toys across the room onto the couch in frustration. They were in my way. Suddenly, Fischer bursts into tears. "I didn't want you to throw my toys.." sob, then he stops abruptly and very seriously looks at me and says

"Mom, I need you to be patient with my toys."

Ummm. He pretty much put me in my place. All I could do was take a deep breath to calm the frustrations, and pick up his toys. We found a better place for them to wait while he was actually really helpful sorting socks.
Why is it so easy to fly off the handle? To snap at a loves one, get frustrated with a child, or yell at the dog? I really felt like God was speaking to me through Fischer just then. I believe he was telling me to cool it, step back and make a better choice. Breathe! In that one sentence, I felt I was being reminded to exercise great patience and to approach my ridiculous frustrations in another way. When I told Andy about the incident he said, "Remember, he is an old soul and that will come through more and more the older he gets. That is why it will be a challenge and privilege to raise him."
A 'privilege'? I had forgotten.

Vets, Poppies and Gratitude

Tomorrow is Veterans Day. It is a time to remember those who have served and a time to be thankful for the freedoms that we enjoy.

Friday, Fischer and I were walking up to the entrance of a store. Outside, were two Veteran soldiers passing out the Buddy Poppys to fund raise for disabled and needy veterans of foreign wars. People kept walking right pass them, not looking, not listening, shrugging off the FREE poppy. Fischer and I stopped and took a poppy and thanked the men. I now wish that we had contributed to their fund or had engaged the men in conversation about their cause and about their service. I didn't think I'd know what to say... I wish that I had said something. I explained to Fischer that these men were brave soldiers who fought in a war to keep us safe and to ensure our freedom. He loved the flower.

My grandfathers are Veterans as I'm sure yours may be also... I think we'll send Fischer's only Great-Grandfather (PaPa) a card thanking him for fighting for us.

For more about Veteran's Day or ideas of things to do in the classroom or with your kids at home, you can go to the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs and/or the VA Kids page.

Obsessing on Grizzlies

Photo: Doug Seus and Bart the Bear (from Vital Ground)

After watching Growing Up Grizzly I and II on Animal Planet years ago (and sobbing from start to finish of both episodes)... I've had a growing fondness of grizzly bears and also of Doug and Lynne Seus. To say that Doug and Lynne raise and train grizzlies just doesn't paint the most accurate picture of this amazing couple and their family. I don't think I can explain the intense relationship, commitment, and pure love they have for their animals. They do train bears and other animals for film. They do it in a consistent, patient, positive, and genuine manner that is remarkable. I find them to be incredibly inspiring. Not only because of their devotion to their animals and their cause (we'll talk about that tomorrow), but because of the intense focus and presence they have when working with their animals. It is a focus and a presence that I'm ashamed to say I don't always have with Fischer. They talk about the fact that when they are with a grizzly bear, they have to be completely there and not have their mind on anything else. They spend hours playing with and teaching the bears everyday. They are truly building a significant relationship.
They are the "parents" of Bart the bear - remember him from Legends of the Fall, The Bear, The great Outdoors, etc? Bart Passed away about 5 years ago from Cancer. They have three other bears that they are raising and whom have been in the movies and on TV also (Bart 2, Honey Bump, and Tank). Here is a little clip:

I found Growing Up Grizzly 1 on EBay (on VHS), and I'm going to pick up the second. There is just something about Doug and the bears that I cannot get enough of! I'd give anything to go to their home and observe him with his grizzlies. I'd expect it to be the kind of awesome experience that inspires you to move mountains.

CaringBridge

"Free, personalized websites that support and connect loved ones during critical illness, treatment and recovery."

I've recently been introduced to CaringBridge. It is a free website/journal set up specifically to meet the needs of people who are going through a troubling time in their life. It helps keep their loved ones informed and provides a place for friends and family to give encouragement, prayers and support.

I found out about CaringBridge from the Say a Little Prayer website, as they are asking for prayers for a young boy who is battling leukemia. I recently ran into it again over at The Askeance as Ray pays tribute to a man in her family who is experiencing the final stages of Cancer. She links to his CaringBridge page. As upsetting as these situations are, CaringBridge has given both of these guys an outlet. They and their families are able to draw strength from the comments people have left, as well as keep everyone updated without making hundreds of phone calls.

If you have found yourself thankful for the experiences you've had with this service or thankful that you and your family have not been in need of this service, you may want to donate to help keep it running.

"Families say the journal provides a therapeutic outlet to reflect on their experience. Patients and caregivers use it to request prayers and support. Loved ones know where to turn for information 24/7.
CaringBridge is a U.S. 501(c)(3) charitable organization. Your gift is tax deductible to the fullest extent of the law.
Nearly 90% of all funding comes from individuals and families who use CaringBridge. Your gift will help us reach every family facing a serious medical condition, to help them stay connected and to help them heal."

If donations aren't your thing... maybe you can send up a few prayers.

Treading Water

I found this picture over at The Blog of Wistar Watts Murray (I've posted it with permission).

I was originally going to save it for an upcoming series of posts about writing. I thought that this picture would make for a fabulous writing prompt. Anyway, you can look forward to more about becoming a better writer later.

Right now I'm just going to say that things are busy over here. Andy's health is poor, and I need to focus on the tasks at hand.

So, in the mean time you'll have to head on over to Wistar's blog and read the incredible survival story of these three friends. She found them treading water just like this in her pool filter. Wistar herself thought the incident was inspiring enough for her to write a not-so- warm and fuzzy story about it. What would you write?

Anyway, talk about "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." I guess that goes for turtles too!

Say a Little Prayer

Cathy has started a new blog devoted to praying for others called Say a Little Prayer. People can email her their prayer requests, she'll post them and then you and I can pray for them. She also has posted links to the blogs that give more information about these families and their prayer requests. She has even posted a list of Prayer Warriors, so that you know for sure that people are praying with you or for you.

The Bible tells us to prayer for others, I found a really nice short introduction to praying for others here. I believe that focusing on, praying for, and loving another can only be helpful. Obviously, God does not always answer our prayers in the way we might have expected, but if you look back... they were answered. That is why keeping a prayer journal is such a great idea.

There are a few ideas on prayer journals here, here, and here.

Artist with Autism: Kim Miller

A while back I posted about a website that highlights and sells art that has been crafted by artists who have autism. I also posted an incredibly beautiful painting called "The Violinist" by Kim Miller. I told you a bit about her (after I had read her bio on the site).

Anyway, I did not have the rights to post that image (geez I'm causing a lot of trouble lately), and therefor I removed it. However you may still go look at it, and unfortunately it is still sold.

BUT here is the exciting thing... Kim's mother has very kindly given me permission to post this image of her glazed clay sculpture called "Serenity". I love the blue she used (the yellow is the watermark), of course, I love it - blue is my signature color ;)

Kim's artwork is displayed in her new book that will be released next month, called The Girl Who Spoke With Pictures Autism Through Art, written by Eileen Miller and illustrated by Kim Miller, foreword by Robert Nickel, MD. Release date September 2008, 208 pages, 90 illustrations, paperback, ISBN 9781843108894, Jessica Kingsley Publishers jkp.com

"For many years Eileen Miller's daughter Kim, was unable to verbalize her
experiences and emotions, but she was able to communicate using a less
conventional language:her art. The Girl Who Spoke With Pictures tells the
story of a young woman with autism, and how her enlightening drawings enabled
her to share her view of the world...." more on jkp website.

Available at jkp.com, Barnes and Noble, Powells, Target, and fine independent bookstores. Available in Canada, UK, Germany, Norway, Australia, South Africa...limited release in Japan and India. Do a websearch for a location near you.

Kim Miller has also illustrated a children's book, titled: Apples for Cheyenne, written by Elizabeth Gerlach, Release date: anytime, Sensory Resources publishing.

BTW Sensory Resources has many helpful books about sensory integration and sensory processing. I have used a number of them with my students. They also have other great products that address these issues.

I'll keep you all posted as more information is released. Kim and her mother will also have a website in September.

Thank you Eileen for sharing your daughter's talents with others.

Shot through the heart at Costco

As I walked into Costco today, I could hear the singing and drumming coming from the breezeway in front of the building. As I came closer I could see a large group of children singing and dancing, They were the Singing Children of Africa and they were singing to benefit the Samson Chivatsi African Appeal, an organization that is feeding, educating, and housing many children in their village called Utange in Kenya. I listened, I donated a few dollars for their brochure and then I walked in to Costco with my giant cart to begin my shopping. As I walked in and saw all of the TVs and electronics, I had a fleeting thought about what those kids might think if they were to come in the building. Then a few moments later, I saw them! They were taking a tour of Costco, an employee was pointing out the meat department and telling them of the cleanliness of the kitchen and the butcher equipment. Then he started talking about catering, then he was pointing out the mountains of water bottles stacked to the ceiling, and saying how people here love bottled water and buy a lot of it....

I suddenly felt very sick, very embarrassed, very ashamed... very sad. I rushed to another aisle to get away from them, and had to keep moving till they were out of my sight and out of my earshot. I couldn't take it. I stood there next to the sky scraping stacks of toilet paper, and burst into tears. I just couldn't imagine what they could be thinking. How do you go from extreme poverty, no food, no clean water, no sanitation, never having been in a car, going for years just praying for an education, watching your family and neighbors die from diseases that they cannot get treatment for... to the other side of the world... to Costco! I was so embarrassed as I stood there with piles of meat and fruit and giant what-nots in my cart. I wanted to leave my cart and leave the building and go home. I just cried.

These children sing of hope and the future and they praise God every chance they get for their many blessing... what?

How can a child live in a mud hut that washes away in the rainy season, watch their parents die because of insufficient medical care, go many days starving and thirsty and dirty and sit outside a school and beg to be let in to learn... think that God loves them?

I don't get it. I believe that God loves all of his children, but I don't understand how entire countries can be in such need. How do they know God loves them? I can understand faith and hope and prayer... but how could it not be shattered after walking into a Costco in the US and seeing everyone trotting around with enormous carts full of enormous food? Someone please help me understand how God can let this happen, for so long?

Nothing against Costco, I shop there and I find that it helps me spend less and stay closer to my budget, I'm just saying that I couldn't handle being seen by these kids. I don't even know what they were thinking, or if they were comparing at all, or if they were happy or sad or in disbelief, or if they were just plain angry (I think I would be). These children are on tour for about 17 days, then they go back to their orphanages, back to their very poor village, back to porridge.

Now, I know that these particular children are quite lucky to be sponsored by the charity, and probably have very bright futures ahead of them, and like we've talked about before... they're education effects the entire community. It was just such a huge eye-opener, I didn't quite know what to do or how to react.

I know that guilt is the wrong emotion, and that it is not my fault that I can get groceries easily and have clean water to drink and ... and that they do not have these same opportunities... however I sort of felt like them seeing me with my cart was a little too 'in your face". Am I making any sense?

I need to do more. I need to do something. I realize that the people of Africa have been on my mind all week, with the Matsiko Children's Choir on Monday, the letter from Renee's friend about Mother's Without Borders on Wednesday and now the Singing Children of Africa on Friday. I have to do something. I'll start with prayer for understanding of how this can be, and hope that you all can help me to understand also. I'm going to do something. Please do something.

Matsiko means Hope

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see the Matsiko Children's Choir. These children hail from Uganda and have come from devastating circumstances. They are at risk and orphaned children who have been scooped up by the International Children's Network (ICN). The children are given all that they need and a chance to join this choir and travel the world as ambassadors for their country. They sing in churches, schools and other venues to relay their message to the world. They are raising money for the children of Uganda to get clean food and water, medicine, shelter, safety and an education. Their stories are unimaginable, yet they sing of hope and thanksgiving and a future for themselves and their communities. They have a large responsibility to get an education and help their villages and their country. The ICN provides an opportunity for people to sponsor a child for $30 a month. The sponsor "parent" is providing the supplies, education, and health care with their money. The children are sponsored through ICN until they have completed their course of study (university or vocational school). Sponsors not only donate, write and receive letters, they also have the opportunity to actual meet their child in their home! The ICN appears to be currently sponsoring children in Guatemala. Peru and the Philippines. You can go to their site and actually see pictures of and read profiles on children who are waiting for sponsorship right now.

This is Eric, he is one of the children who sang with the choir last night.

ICN educates children all
the way through the university level and allows sponsors to meet their children face to face. In addition to these two unique qualities, International Children’s Network has one of the highest financial giving ratios at over 95% to the intended purpose!!! These three attributes define ICN as a sponsorship organization and are the main reasons why ICN is so significant in sponsoring a child and trusted with every penny and pound. International Children’s Network wants its sponsors, and anyone else who may be interested, to personally see how ICN operates behind the scenes. ICN is committed to meeting the needs of deserving children around the world in order to allow them to be a helping hand for their nation, instead of another hand out.

As we've read before, education is the key to saving a child, his or her family, their village/community, their county... the world.

Obviously we do not always have the means to do exactly what we'd like to help, but there is always something... some small way that we can do our part. Check out the Matsiko Cd's.

Inspiration on Sunday

Me, my mom, her mom, her mom's mom, her mom's mom's mom, her mom's mom's mom's mom.

Moms and people who have moms, all need to be reminded about moms once in awhile. I received this as an email and deleted it before I really appreciated its meaning. I found it again, over here.

Perspective: The Invisible Woman

It started to happen gradually¦ One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, “Who is that with you, young fella?”“Nobody,” he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, “Oh my goodness, nobody?”

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like “Turn the TV down, please” - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder,“Would someone turn the TV down?” Nothing. Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We’d been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, “I’m ready to go when you are.” He just kept right on talking. I’m invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.” I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She’s going¸ she’s going¸ she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip,and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.”

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it”. And the workman replied, “Because God sees.” I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it there.”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Update: I just found this story in a beautiful hardcover book: The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson, a lovely gift idea.

Happy 4th of July

The song, the video, the birth dates, the lives.... I will not forget the sacrifices.

Today I will take a moment to thank God for the men and women who have died for my freedom. I will thank God for the families who supported these soldiers. I will thank God for the men and women who have fought and are still fighting... for me... for my family... for you.

Fischism:

Fisch is obsessed with whether or not every biker and motorcyclist is wearing a helmet. No matter where we are, they don't get past him without being noticed and reported on:

"Mommy that guy wearing a helmet!"
"Mommy that guy not wearing a helmet. only wearing a hat"
"Mommy that guy not wearing a helmet, so dangerous, crash, get hurt really bad"

Sometimes he dwells on the helmetless person's impending doom, (especially when we are in the car), so I'll say "Let's say a quick prayer for them" and we pray for their safety and that they will wear a helmet next time.

So today we're walking along a park trail when he happens to see a girl riding a bike without her helmet.
"Mommy that girl not wearing a helmet... that not safe"
Then he yells out to the girl, "I'll pray to God for ya!!!"