TiVo, DVR, PVR... how did I ever live without you?

Seriously! How in the world did we ever live without the digital video recorder? How would a person ever get to see their favorite shows AND have kids or a job or friends? People seriously didn't tape everything on their VCR, setting timers every day, did they? Did you? That's so much effort.

In high school my bestie (BFF's mom) often had to work on Thursday nights, it would be my duty to focus and watch all the shows so that I could re-inact episodes of Friends and Seinfeld to her on Friday (as we went on long walks past her crush's house in the most non-stalking manner).

In college, I just didn't watch TV. Til I met Andy, then we had a few shows that we were able to see once in awhile.... I think... he must have had cable. Later when Survivor started, we were taking a community ed Spanish class and had to drop out after only a few weeks... because we just couldn't miss Survivor! Our friends dropped the class for the same reason.

In fact, Survivor is the reason that I can't speak Spanish today. That and the fact that Andy keeps talking about buying the Rosetta Stone software and still hasn't. Spanish would sure come in handy with my next door neighbors. The other day, I went over with a fence slat and some screws to ask them to fix a broken slat on their side of the fence (so that my giant dogs wouldn't eat their wiener dogs)... and no one knew what I was trying to say. Thankfully there is a 11 year-old at home that is bilingual.

The year that we dropped out of Spanish, I was teaching elementary special education. My students ranged in grade from Kindergarten to fifth grade. They had intellectual disabilities of all types. One particular student, G, was in second grade and had Down Syndrome. His family only spoke Spanish in the home, however he didn't really speak Spanish or English. He used a combination of sign language, pictures and a little bit of verbal to get his point across, but mostly didn't communicate with anything much at school. Anyway, I started teaching at this school in January and had never met his family. As the year was coming to an end the second grade was having a big performance. They were to sing and do a myriad of other things. Well, G had been attending all of the music classes and was thoroughly enjoying them (although he never sang or did any actions), so I sent home a letter to let his parents know of the date, time and location of the program. Where am I going with this, you ask? I'm getting there. I didn't know if G would be there or not, but one of my assistants and I came to the performance to help him if he attended. Well, much to my surprise and delight, he showed up! He looked so cute in his dressy clothes and his slick combed hair. I ran right over to his family and introduced myself. "Hi, I'm G's teacher, Lisa." They stared blankly. Then, I said "I'm so glad that you were able to come." They stared blankly. I searched from person to person to see if anyone was understanding me. Then very smiley and animated, I say "G looks so handsome!" No response. Then business like, I say, "The program will start in a few minutes, G's part is toward the end". I get nothing from them, not even a flinch. By this time I am thoroughly squirming and wanting to shoot the older sister a mean glare (because she just HAS to know what I am saying and is choosing not to share) and I am getting more red in the face with awkward embarrassment... and desperately wanting them to understand me after I've repeated the above statements multiple times... Finally I reach far back into my brain to brilliantly pull out the little bit of Spanish I can recall from the few weeks before Survior started... and I proudly say "Me gusta el chocolate!"

What?

What in the hell did I just tell them I like chocolate for? Now completely beat red, I slink away with G in hand to await his performance. To make matters worse, while waiting for G's songs, I recounted the entire story to my assistant... repeating the word chocolate a hundred times... And you know what happened? G got up on stage for his songs and as big as day continuously signed the word CHOCOLATE and pointed at me in the front row the WHOLE TIME!

I just had to pray that his mother didn't send him to school with chocolate for me on Monday!


In conclusion, the DVR could have saved me a lot of embarrassment and maybe I would know Spanish now! So now, nothing embarrassing ever happens to me (yeah right) and I can record every show I want to... like whatever the big announcement is on John & Kate plus Eight tonight. I don't even watch that show... but I can record it... you know, to keep up with current events.

Fischism

In the car with Grandma Barb...

Fischer: "Mamabarb? Are you old lady?
Grandma: "What?!!! Who told you that I was an old lady?"
Fischer: "I did!"
Grandma: "Do I look like an old lady?"
Fischer: "I don't know."

(Of course my mother was sure that I planted those words into his little head... how else would he have come up with that? To which I replied, "I've never heard him say 'old lady' before, but he does have a brain and he does have eyes!" ... Could I be any sweeter? Sorry Mom!- you know I love you - and of course you are a total babe... for an old lady!)

A public apology

The following letter is a response to Ms. Colborn's comment, left here after she read the quick and thoughtless blurb I wrote about her book, Rainy Day Slug.

Dear Ms. Colborn,

I'd like to apologize for the poor choice of words I used to describe the writing in your book. While, I do find the flow to be a little less than smooth, I actually really like the book. My son loves it and my husband and I read it to him all of the time. I also used it in my classroom, specifically with my students who have special needs. You are correct in saying that children love the language you used. I have experienced that first hand and feel terrible that I had so off-handedly and un-thinkingly called it "lame".

In my Special Education class we often followed the reading of the story with making slug slime! The kids loved it and the part about the slug on the boy's cheek... was of course their favorite! It is Fischer's favorite part too. The "EEEWWWW" was from me... and I am so obviously... an ass. So I want to publicly apologize and let my readers know that I do like this book, and I have used it in the classroom, and I do find it valuable for children.

Also, I'd like to say that the idea that you have written this book with your daughter and had it published is beautiful. I could only dream of an experience like that. Although I love to read and collect children's books, my skills as a writer are severely impaired.

Again, I'd like to apologize for the insult and the feelings it caused. I assure you that I feel quite humiliated and will think before I write next time.

Sincerely,

Lisa

PS Have you read this? Unfortunately, it probably describes me!!!